Of Colonels and Scientists
by darkmoore05
Summary: Don't ask, Don't tell' is gone, and Rodney awaits his lover in his rooms. He is certain, John will break things off...


**Disclaimer: Not mine. I just want to play with them.**

**Author's note: Thank go to my beta Cassandra Pierson  
**

The information that 'don't ask, don't tell' had been revoked had come through mere hours ago, and Rodney wasn't surprised to find John at his door. Wordlessly, he beckoned him inside, wanting nothing but to get this over with, as quickly as possible.

The door had barely closed behind them when John turned to Rodney, solemn look upon his face and said, "I don't wanna do this any more."

Rodney evaded John's gaze and nodded wordlessly, pain flaring in his chest. He'd expected this to happen, of course, but it still hurt. He'd known it was only a matter of time until John would end their little arrangement – in fact he was surprised it had lasted that long. Rodney didn't fool himself into believing that someone like John Sheppard would actually want a relationship with him of all people. They were fuck-buddies, nothing more. Friends, yes, friends with benefits. Not lovers. There was no love involved, Rodney had known that from the start. Not that he had expected love – he'd buried _that_ dream a long time ago. People relied on him, sometimes even cared for him, but _love_ was never part of the equation. The popular boys never had relationships with the geeks – at least not in public.

"Rodney, listen, I…" John started, taking one step in his direction, but Rodney wouldn't have any of it. He couldn't bear to hear John say the words that would end their arrangement. He'd make it easy on John and spare himself the humiliation.

"It's alright, Colonel, I understand," Rodney interrupted him and backed away. He distanced himself physically as well as mentally from John by reverting back to using his rank. "You're free to pursue a relationship with a more…suitable partner now that the uniform code is gone. It's not as if we had a relationship to begin with. You can leave now, I'll keep my promise and won't tell anyone about our arrangement, if that's what you're worried about. Wouldn't want you to get in trouble now that this stupid, homophobic rule is finally gone."

John stared at him dumbfounded for a moment and Rodney frowned. What more did John want? He'd said it, left him off the hook, so why wouldn't he just leave Rodney alone with his misery?

"That's not…" John finally made another attempt to speak but this time, Rodney lost his temper. He just wanted John gone so he could lick his wounds in peace, he didn't need for John to see how pathetic he really was. How much it hurt to let John go, because Rodney had stupidly, foolishly fallen in love with him when all John was prepared to give was a roll in the sheets every once in a while.

Rodney's anger flared, he felt vulnerable and exposed, ready to fall apart. He snapped, "God, dammit, John, why can't you just _go away_? Leave me alone and find yourself some handsome Marine or something. Go! Leave me while some of my dignity is still intact. I don't need to be reminded of the rules regarding fuck-buddies, alright? We meet, we fuck, we go our separate ways once it's over. No cuddling, no needless show of affection, just good old sex. And now it's over. I get it. Believe me, I do. It's not like this is the first time…the first time happening to me." Rodney's voice broke at the last words and he hated himself for it. He turned away from John, squeezing his burning eyes shut firmly. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes trying to keep from crying.

"You're a stupid son of a bitch!" John's angry voice sounded behind him and Rodney dropped his hands away from his eyes, but didn't turn around yet. "If you'd listen to me for one fucking minute I'd have told you that I don't plan on leaving you. I'm not trying to end what we have and I honestly don't know what made you think I would. Do you think that little of me? Do you really think I'd fuck you and at the first opportunity I get to go public with you, I leave you? If that's what you think of me, if you really think I'm capable of that, then maybe I should go."

John sounded beyond angry now and there was a kind of hurt in his voice that confused Rodney greatly. He didn't know why John was saying all that, but it made his heart ache even more. This was one of the longest speeches Rodney had ever heard him give. John wasn't the wordiest person, he preferred actions to talking and that he was talking so much now somehow disturbed Rodney. He finally turned around to face a livid John, asking, "But what did you mean then, when you said you didn't want to do this any more?"

"Jesus, Rodney, you didn't even let me finish one sentence! You were so convinced I was gonna leave you, you didn't even give me a fucking chance to explain to you what I mean. I was trying to tell you that I don't want to hide you, don't want to hide _us_ any more. That now that we're free to be together, I want everyone to know!"

Rodney looked at John, completely confused. He tried to decide whether or not John was making fun of him. "But why would you want that?" he finally asked, suspiciously.

"You really don't get it, do you?" John sighed and walked past Rodney, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He looked tired and defeated.

"Obviously not. Why don't you enlighten me? You're making no sense to me, John." Rodney was getting frustrated now. John wasn't behaving even remotely like he had expected, leaving Rodney guessing what might come next. And Rodney hated guessing. He hated situations that turned out suddenly unpredictable. One reason why he was so bad with relationships was that he never quite knew what was expected of him. Being fuck-buddies had been relatively easy – at least in the beginning – since he knew the rules for that. Now John had thrown him for a loop and Rodney was completely lost. He paced around in front of John, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He didn't have to wait long.

"I'm in love with you, you idiot. Have been for a long time. But I guess that doesn't matter any more, now. You keep talking about being fuck-buddies. You actually thought I'd leave you on the first occasion. You never even hinted at wanting more than have sex with me. I guess I just made a complete fool out of myself, didn't I?" he sounded bitter and that should have alarmed Rodney. But his mind was still trying to grasp the fact that John had just claimed to love him. Belatedly Rodney realized, that he was supposed to respond to that.

"Yes, I mean _no_ I mean…god damn it, I didn't see _that_ coming. Who would have thought that…" He broke off, trying to get his thoughts in order. "You love me?" he then asked, but didn't give John time to answer. "Not that I think I'm not a lovable person, because I am, but well…you're…you're John Sheppard…and…and…" then something else hit him and he got angry again, turning to stare John directly in the eyes. "And what was that crap about me not hinting I want more than sex with you? Hello? Do the words 'uniform code' and 'court martial' mean anything to you? It was dangerous enough what we were doing. Did you honestly believe I was thinking we could have an actual _relationship_ under these conditions? And besides…you're _John Sheppard_, damn it. Hot Air Force Colonels don't fall in love with brilliant, sarcastic scientists. They just don't!"

At that John jumped up from the bed, getting right into Rodney's face, hissing, "Don't tell me what I feel or don't feel, Rodney. Don't you dare! You don't love me – I didn't expect you to. You don't want to be with me – nothing I can do about that. But don't you _dare_ tell me who I can or can't fall in love with!"

"I'm not trying to. What I mean is that…that the chances were…small." Rodney tried to put his thoughts in words, temper rising. "And you're not listening to me!" he yelled. "I never said I didn't love you – because I do! I just said I didn't think I could have a relationship with you with your stupid, homophobic rules still intact. I didn't even know I had a fucking choice! Or do I have to remind you that _you_ didn't hint on wanting more than sex, either?"

John's anger seemed to deflate right in front of Rodney's eyes. "We're both idiots," he murmured.

"Just speak for yourself. Genius here…" Rodney replied softly and stepped closer to John, touching his arm tentatively.

A small smile spread on John's face and he leaned into Rodney's touch, "Since we established that we love each other, does that mean I get to show you off to the others now? Can't wait for them to know I caught the smartest man in two galaxies. They're gonna be so jealous…" John whispered affectionately leaning in to softly touch his lips to Rodney's.

"Idiot!" Rodney whispered back, feeling warmth spread through his body at the love that was audible in John's voice. He reached for John's hips, pulling him in gently. Satisfied with the close contact he then buried his hands in John's tousled hair and kissed him passionately.

John groaned and Rodney laughed.

"Guess that huge coming out of yours will have to wait a little longer," Rodney smirked, letting his hands slide down John's body to cup his hard cock through the fabric of his pants. "I want you tonight long and slow. And since we don't have to hide any more, I'll enjoy waking up next to you after spending the whole night together in bed. If you behave I might even let you get some sleep…" Rodney teased, feeling light-headed.

"Mhhh, sounds like a perfect plan to me," John practically purred, rubbing himself against Rodney before he tugged lightly at him, sending both of them tumbling to the bed.

Rodney went willingly, letting John do whatever he felt like doing, giving himself over to those wandering, searching hands. He'd get his turn to explore, of that Rodney was certain, because they had time now. In fact, they had all the time in the world. Rodney smiled at that thought. A few hours ago he had been heartbroken and miserable, now he had been offered what he'd thought he'd never have – love, and a future with John. It seemed sometimes the popular boys did fall in love with the geeks after all.

The end


End file.
